Last week my driving escapades stooped to a new level when a fellow female driver felt it necessary to wind down her window and express her displeasure with a verbal tirade, likening my road skills to that of grazing cattle.
I was on a narrow road and had just had to do some splendid manoeuvring (if I do say so myself) around some very inconsiderately parked vehicles before I spotted an oncoming car. I nestled my own car cosily into the side of the road to let it pass.
The nice lady in the oncoming vehicle wound down her window and gave me a wave of thanks. I waved back, smiled and carried on singing along to Taylor Swift who was very kindly entertaining me from the radio airwaves.
‘Be quiet please, darling, the chorus is coming up, and that’s my favourite part.’
‘Ssshh, darling – Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play, and the haters gonna ha-‘
Sighs resignedly and turns volume down. ‘Yessss?’ What could possible be worth interrupting Taylor for?
‘That woman just called you a silly cow.’
‘What? What woman?’
‘That woman in the car. She wound down her window and shouted that you are a silly cow. Silly cow, silly cow, silly cow – hahahahah. Mum’s a silly cow.’
‘Did she?’ Shocked. How dare she! And to think I pulled over to wait for her. Bloody cheek of it!
‘Yes, silly cow, she called you, mum. She put her window down especially to shout it at you. How could you not have heard?
I was busy listening to Taylor.
I looked in my rear view mirror and discovered that the parked cars I’d expertly swerved around weren’t parked at all. No, they were giving way to verbal woman. Oops. How was I to know? When stationary, cars looked like they’re parked.
‘Well, that wasn’t very nice of her was it, using that kind of language. How rude.’
‘I didn’t think you minded, mummy.’
‘Of course I mind, that’s not a very nice thing to say.’
‘Then why did you smile and wave at her?’
‘Because I thought she was being jolly courteous winding down her window to express her gratitude.’
‘Her face looked angry, though, mummy.’
Thinking about it, she hadn’t looked best pleased, but perhaps she’d been jealous of my expert manoeuvring around static vehicles.
‘Yes I suppose it did.’
‘Let’s follow her mummy and shout at her that she’s a stupid poo poo head.’
I contemplate taking that action, and as tempting as it was as a grown woman to engage in a high speed chase, yelling stupid poo poo head out of my window at the top of my voice, I decided to turn the volume back up and shake it off – ‘cos that’s what Taylor would have done.